#i remember watching alice and borderline and being disappointed in the ending

[throes-of-warm-tornadoes]

you know what? i think the concept of this is just not good. like, not to beat the same point into the ground, but this is The metaphor for capitalism, so how the fuck was he gonna stop that? i just looked up how the season was gonna end and it looks like they just did a shot for shot remake of the first season---complete with the same exact fuckin ending---but without any of the heart. i think ali was such a beloved character in the first place bc (to me, at least) it was such a pleasant surprise seeing diversity incorporated so casually into the show and how that added some more fucked up nuance to everyone's situation.

like, i don't know. i guess i shouldn't really be that surprised that a show about greed and consumption is being milked for 3 entire seasons, but i didn't think that they'd be reusing story beats shot for fuckin shot. i know this whole season probably even came into fruition because people were attacthed to gi hun in the first place, but i think it would have been so much cooler to pivot from that and completely focus on no-eul and the rest of the workers with the players and the games fading into the background. i know that follows the basic "villain" format thats getting more popular recently (im not saying she’s a villain im just saying she’s an opp), but i just don't see the purpose in stringing the audience along as we watch gi hun try to dismantle fucking capitalism

[bronzeflower]

The Bodyswap Incident

This fic is also on ao3

-----

It happened in an instant. One moment Arlo was staring down at some criminal the Civil Corps caught, the one who was being tied up by Sam, and the next, he was looking down at the unfinished knot with the rope in his hands.

Arlo quickly finished tying the knot and looked up to find...himself?

"Oh, wow," Remington said. "I am not a fan of this."

"What did you do?" Arlo's body demanded, glaring at the criminal.

"Just a little trick of mine!" He gleefully cheered. "Thought you might like to see from someone else's point of view!"

"You're still under arrest," Arlo said, although his voice came out much higher than normal. "We'll interrogate him back at the Corps. Come on."

They made it back to the headquarters of the Civil Corps, and they eventually found out that the three of them had switched bodies.

Sam was now in Remington's body, Remington was in Arlo's, and Arlo was in Sam's. Good to have gotten that cleared up.

"Are you going to switch us back?" Arlo asked, crossing his arms.

"Can't," The criminal said, shaking his head. "It's not how that works, but it will wear off in a week, so you'll all be back to normal eventually."

"Fine," Arlo sighed. "Remington, you stay here to watch him. Sam, go inform the mayor of the situation. I'm going to go patrol around town to make sure no one else was affected."

"Yes, Sir," Sam and Remington said, and Sam and Arlo ran off to do their respective duties.

Arlo patrolled the town, talked to a few people, and he soon came to the conclusion that only the Civil Corps had swapped bodies.

And, while that was a relief, there was still the worry that the body swap might affect the Civil Corps’ ability to do their jobs.

Apparently that was also a worry of the mayor, who recommended that they keep the situation under wraps to prevent the townsfolk from worrying about the safety of Portia. So Arlo, Remington, and Sam got together to discuss taking each other’s patrol routes.

They were still going to keep their main duties, but most citizens saw them patrolling, and, if they changed up their patrol routes, there would certainly be suspicion.

However, they did decide to tell a few people, such as Dr. Xu and Phyllis in case of any kind of medical issues that might arise as a side-effect of the body swap, as well as individuals like Alice, who was in a relationship with Sam, and both Arlo and Sam agreed that letting her know would be for the best in order to avoid any awkward situation.

But, generally speaking, as far as the townspeople were concerned, everything was perfectly normal.

“Sam!” A certain builder’s voice rang through the air as Arlo reached the end of Sam’s patrol route. “You’re almost done with patrol, right? Let’s go get some drinks, on me! I’ve got so much to tell you about.”

“Sure,” Arlo ended up agreeing. He probably should have refused the invitation, given that Victor was pretty good friends with all the Civil Corps, and therefore would be able to easily tell if one of them was acting strangely, but it had been a while since Arlo had been able to hang out with Victor.

And, well, Arlo liked Victor maybe a little more than he should.

So Victor and Arlo-as-Sam went to the Round Table for a few drinks. Victor ordered what was probably his and Sam’s usual.

They had some nice light conversation as they waited, but, the moment their drinks came, Victor took a hold of his and downed it immediately, the liquid practically disappearing.

“God! Fuck!” Victor grumbled, slamming the glass back on the table. He brought a hand up to wipe away some of the residue off his mouth. “He’s just so fucking stupid!”

Arlo took his own glass and took a sip of it. It wasn’t what he normally drank, but he needed a moment to process what Victor had just said. Victor looked angrier than Arlo had ever seen him.

Although, given how happy-go-lucky Victor was whenever he was around Arlo, Arlo was honestly coming up with any time when he saw Victor angry at all.

Luckily for Arlo, he didn’t have to come up with a response as Victor continued to talk.

“I spar with him constantly, I give him gifts, and I flirt relentlessly, and, I swear to God, he just will not take the hint! Like, holy shit! I told him I wanted to ride him, and he offered me a ride on his <i>horse</i>! Sorry, Arlo, I meant your dick, not your goddamn horse!”

It took literally all of Arlo’s self-control not to spit out his drink. Arlo had honestly thought he misheard Victor when he told Arlo that he wanted to ride him.

“He’s so smart and strong and ambitious, but he’s so dumb!” Victor whined, taking a hold of the next drink he was given. “What does a man have to do to get dicked down around here?”

“You could always just ask him out yourself,” Arlo found himself saying, almost surprised by hearing Sam’s voice coming from himself.

Victor leveled him with a glare.

“If he barely reacts to even the most blatant of my flirting, then how could he possibly like me back? It’s hopeless, Sam. Hopeless!” Victor took a swig of his drink.

“I can promise you that he likes you back,” Arlo stated, taking a small sip of his own drink. He’d have to keep a careful watch on how much he drank himself, but, with how much Victor was drinking, Arlo was pretty sure he wouldn’t notice if ‘Sam’ was acting off.

“You always say that!” Victor cried. “But there’s practically no indication of that being true! He’s always super professional, and he takes his job so seriously. Last week I told him that I could call him Captain in a context outside of his workplace, and he told me that I should just stick to calling him Arlo because calling him Captain Arlo was too stuffy. Like, oh my god.”

“Maybe try flirting with him in a non-sexual way?” Arlo suggested, and Victor frowned.

“I’m not really any good at that,” Victor sighed. “Guess I could try. Any suggestions? You’re with Alice, right? How do you tend to flirt with her?”

Arlo found himself flushing involuntarily as he thought of how Victor was actually flirting with him, but Victor took it differently, as he grinned at Arlo.

“Awww, you two are so cute,” Victor gushed. “You don’t have to tell me now, but I know you’ll gush about her sooner or later. Payback for having to listen to me yell about Arlo all night.”

Arlo managed to keep his cover for the night even as Victor described in explicit detail what he wanted to do to Arlo. He was honestly surprised that Sam allowed Victor to do this, but he figured that she was usually too drunk to remember whatever Victor said. Victor was probably too drunk to remember what he said.

Unfortunately, Arlo was very, very sober, so he helped Victor home and thought about everything he found out over that night of drinks as he made his way back to the Civil Corps.

Arlo met up with Remington, who had a disappointed expression on his face.

“Care to explain to me why Victor flirted relentlessly with me today?” Remington asked, and Arlo blushed.

Thankfully, Sam entered at that moment.

“Guys, I forgot to tell you something!” Sam shouted.

“Does it have anything to do with Victor telling me that my ass looked particularly nice today?” Remington questioned, and Arlo sputtered.

“Yeah…” Sam admitted. “Victor’s a little, uh, outspoken, about his affections of the Captain.”

“Arlo.” Remington crossed his arms and glared down at Arlo very seriously. “Were you or were you not <i>recently</i> telling me that there was no way that Victor could like you back?”

“Oh my god, you really are that oblivious,” Sam gasped. “I thought Victor was exaggerating.”

“They’re not even dating!?” Remington yelled. “This was the kind of situation we wanted to avoid when we told Alice. I would have, maybe, at the very least, liked a heads-up about it.”

“I really am sorry that I didn’t tell you immediately,” Sam apologized.

“And why did you not tell me, Arlo?” Remington questioned.

“I think we’ve established that I never noticed.”

“Okay,” Remington rubbed the bridge of his nose. “We’ll just tell Victor, and, hopefully, that will prevent any of his borderline sexual harassment of Arlo, or his body, at least. How did you not notice?”

“I didn’t want to be presumptuous,” Arlo said.

“Presumptuous,” Sam stated. “Really. Do you know how many times Victor has complained about how stupid you are to me?”

“Uh, well,” Arlo shuffled. “That’s kind of how I found out…”

“What?”

“He asked me, well, you, out for drinks, and I hadn’t hung out with him in a while, so I ended up accepting, and, well…”

“Incredible,” Sam sighed. “Absolutely incredible.”

“So it’s decided. We tell Victor of the incident tomorrow,” Remington declared.

“Maybe we shouldn’t tell him it happened yesterday though,” Sam advised. “Given the general realizations that occurred today.”

So they made the agreement to tell Victor, who took the news pretty well, all things considered, and he promised not to tell anyone.

After that, Remington reported that Victor was no longer blatantly flirting with him, which was the main issue that was meant to be avoided when informing Victor.

The rest of the week passed by without incident, although Arlo honestly couldn’t stop thinking about what Victor had said, but Arlo wasn’t about to do anything weird to Sam’s body. That was just disturbing and a little gross. But he still had plenty of time to ponder what to do about Victor actually sharing his feelings.

Thankfully, the criminal they had captured was accurate in saying that they would switch back in a week, although it was very much jarring to suddenly be thrust out of one body and into another.

It was definitely his own body though, which was certainly a relief. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could have stood being in Sam’s body.

They updating everyone who knew about how everything was back to normal, along with giving a warning about interacting with the criminal who swapped their bodies.

Gale made a note about it at the Fireside talk the following Sunday, although the only person Arlo really had to worry about interacting with the criminal was likely Toby. But, even if Toby did want to interact with the criminal, one of the Civil Corps members was always stationed there, so he would always have supervision if he did go in there.

So Arlo and the rest of the Civil Corps went back to their own personal schedules, which, of course, meant Arlo’s personal daily run-in with Victor.

“Hello, Arlo!” Victor greeting, a wide smile on his face.

“Hey,” Arlo responded, not really being able to keep his own smile from appearing, although it certainly was much smaller than Victor’s.

“I brought you some spicy fish soup!” Victor declared.

“Oh! Thank you!” Arlo accepted the gift.

“You’ve got hair like the sunset, you know,” Victor said.

“...What?”

“You know, when the sun sets, and the sky goes this lovely shade of red that’s a little bit orange? It turns a similar shade to your hair,” Victor explained, and Arlo flushed.

“Thanks,” Arlo unconsciously ran a hand through his hair. “...Your hair is a nice color as well.”

Despite the fact that Arlo now knew for a fact that Victor liked him back, the blush that spread across Victor’s cheeks caught him off-guard.

“Ah, well…” Victor flustered, pretty uncharacteristically, all things considered. “I did get it redyed recently…”

Victor continued rambling about nothing, and, with how flustered Victor got, Arlo got the distinct thought that he should probably flirt back more often. At least, when he notices he’s being flirting with in the first place.

“Oh, yeah!” Victor interrupted himself. “Let’s spar!”

“You know I’m always up for a good spar,” Arlo agreed to the match, and then Victor promptly kicked his ass.

“Wanna rematch?” Victor asked, and, of course, Arlo accepted, only to get his ass kicked again.

“One more time,” Arlo demanded, and Victor got this manic grin on his face as he kicked Arlo’s ass for the third time.

“I didn’t beat your ass too badly, did I?” Victor questioned, helping Arlo up at the end of their final match.

“Nah, I always look forward to our sparring matches,” Arlo reassured. “I always like a good challenge.”

“Same here!” Victor said. “And you’re basically the strongest guy in town, so you’re my favorite to spar.”

“Paulie’s not gonna be happy that you think that.”

“Strength isn’t all about how much you can lift. Once he understands that, I might agree with him, but, currently, his attacks are always super easy to dodge because they're so slow."

The two of them discussed the importance of variation in fighting style before Victor had to leave, with the claim that he had a commission to finish up.

The next day, Arlo was being presented with a Heart Knot.

"I like you!" Victor practically shouted. "Would you like to be my boyfriend?"

"Yes, I'd love to!" Arlo almost immediately responded.

Later on, Arlo found out that Victor had gotten the confidence to ask out Arlo because of how Arlo had flirted back for once, as well as how Victor ended up getting help with romantic flirting from Alice.

Arlo was almost thankful for the body-swapping incident. It made him aware that Victor had been actively flirting with him for months and helped him finally reciprocate the affections.

And, well, Victor did get to do all those things he wanted to do to Arlo. And it was fucking great.

[official-mermaid]

queliot + 20 if you want!

Thank you!! This got…. maybe longer than I was intending for it to. It’s possible it no longer counts as a mini-fic. But like. That’s fine, right? That’s fine. (I also posted it on AO3)

Things You Said That I Wasn’t Meant to Hear—

In the end, when the mirror fragmented Quentin into pieces, hisshards scattered to the wind. Pieces of him ended up in trees, floating in the ocean,in the backyard of his childhood home. He couldn’t have told you how manypieces there were.

In part because he was in pieces and therefor could nottalk. In part because there were too many pieces to count.

It’s a funny thing, magic. Things don’t necessarily happenthe way you expect them to.

Quentin, for instance, expected death.

He could feel the pieces of himself drawing together likemagnets. He could gather himself up, slowly put himself back together piece bypiece. Minor mending, as it were.

He was half-aware, uncertain if he’d remember this when he’dmanaged to get back together completely. Unsure if he’d remember the piece ofhimself he’d found on the bow of the Muntjac. Or the piece of himself he’dfound on a farm in Indiana. Or the piece of himself he’d found amongst thetiles of the Mosaic.

It was strange—he was traveling more than he’d evertraveled before, but in this unreal, dreamlike state.

He got more aware as more pieces came together.

He figured that once he found the last piece, he’d rejointhe land of the living.

In a distant sense, he understood that everyone believed hewas gone for good. He’d, after all, found one piece of himself hidden among thecards that Julia had sent flying in the air. Another piece next to a burnt,blackened peach. Another piece caught in the pages of a book.

He hadn’t been quite near whole at that point, but heunderstood that he was seeing a memorial for himself.

That was before he’d found the piece that had his name, soit hadn’t hit him yet.

Now, there was only one piece left, only one piece to find,one last minor mending to perform, only—

Only—

Only—

He was here—so close to being corporeal again. So close tobeing able to come back. Sensing, a little bit, that the final piece he neededwas nearby.

But something had caught his attention.

Eliot, pacing, frantic, angry—

He was in the Physical Cottage, watching Eliot and Margo.Feeling like it was something he shouldn’t be seeing. Unable to turn away.

“Eliot,” Margo said, in an uncharacteristically placatingtone. “Calm down. You’re gonna give yourself a migraine. You don’t mean that.”

Eliot scoffed, his mouth twisted into a humorless,disbelieving smile. “Oh, don’t I?”

“El, come on—”

“Bambi, he had no business being there! How could he—howcould any of you, frankly, send him in there?” Eliot snapped.

“Eliot, he volunteered.”

“Well, that’s the problem. Isn’t it?” Eliot groaned, leaningagainst the wall heavily. He tipped his head back to look at the ceiling. “Himand his stupid fucking heroics. Him and his lack of self-preservation. This is justlike Castle Blackspire, how didyou not see that?”

Flashes of Eliotshooting the Monster went through Quentin’s mind—Eliot had stopped Quentin fromplaying martyr once already.

“Okay, no, that wasn’t that same—Blackspire was him trying sell himself foreternity, we all knew that. This wasn’t supposed to be a dangerous mission. Noone knew anyone was going to die.”Margo was crossing her arms,looking like she was losing patience.

“What are yousaying, it wasn’t supposed to be a suicidemission?” Eliot bit out. Quentin startedto take a step towards him—uncertain, hesitant. Still incomplete enough to feellike this was a dream. Complete enough to know what Eliot was trying to say.

Margo’s eyeswidened. “Eliot, I’d be real careful about the next words out of yourmouth,” she replied through her teeth.

Eliot rolled hiseyes, turning away. “Whatever, Margo. He knew what he was doing.And you should’ve been paying closer attention.”

“Fuck you,” Margospat. “You don’t get to blame me for this. Sorry I was a little preoccupied savingyour ass.”

“What, you want toshift some of the blame onto me?” Eliot said, losing the fight in his voice. “Goright ahead, I won’t disagree. There’s plenty of blame to goaround. We could blame Julia, who should’ve known better. Penny, for lettinghim do it. Alice, for being there. Or hey, let’s blame Quentin. He’s the one that chose to sacrifice himself.”

Margo let out asigh. “Okay, baby, I’m gonna let how much of a dick you’re being slide. I know—Iknow what he meant to you.”

Eliot shook hishead. “You don’t, that’s the thing. You don’t know what hemeant to me. No one does. Hell, hedoesn’t—I never got the chance to—”

A spark of somethinghappened inside Quentin’s almost-chest. There was something he was missing—somethinghe didn’t understand. The unreal quality of the air sharpened.

“Oh, honey,” Margosaid. She took a seat on Eliot’s bed, hanging her head a little. “You think youwere subtle?”

Eliot half-laughed,but the sound was brimming with nerves. “Bambi, you have no idea how much I’veheld back. How much I’ve hidden.”

She raised hereyebrows. “Given how obvious you were, I’d say that must mean he was yourfucking soul mate or something.”

Eliot glanced ather, his eyes pained.

“Well, shit,” she said.

“Did he ever,” Eliotstarted slowly, “tell you anything about the Mosaic?”

She shrugged. “Iread the letter. I know that like, some other versions of you got old and died.What about it?”

“We remembered. Weremembered everything.”

Margo stared for afew moments. “And you never toldme?” she said, and it came outstrained.

Quentin studied Eliot’sface, taking a few weightless steps towards him. He knew, he remembered—but therewas so much distance. He understood in a vague, barely-there sense what washappening. But the part of him that understood—

Well, it was havingthe noncorporeal equivalent of a panic attack.

Which is to saythat Quentin was actually quite calm and clear. There was just somethingbubbling below, like a threat to erupt when he mended that final piece.

“Bambi,” Eliotsaid, his voice cracking just a little. “I so wanted to tell you. I couldn’t, I—youdon’t understand what I did.”

“So explain it tome,” Margo said, almost gentle. Her eyes were both soft and flinty.

“After we remembered—look,alright, it was fifty years of memories, fifty years of feelings, justall at once, okay? So just like. Try and imagine it—in a matter of moments, yougo from being you to having this whole other life in yourhead, alright? All at once, all at fuckingonce.” Eliot was talking fast, hishands moving. “It was overwhelming, and terrifying, and nauseating, and yeah,alright—kind of beautiful. We were—God, we had a son together, Margo.”

Margo’s face wasslack and her eyes wide, any betrayal at being left out of the loop seeming tohave been forgotten.

“Holy shit, El,” she breathed.

“No fuckingkidding,” he said with a heavy sigh.

“A son?”

A small, sad smile appearedon Eliot’s face, fading quickly before it reached his eyes. “His name wasTeddy,” he said softly. “And he was smart, and he was snarky, and he was—God,Margo, you would’ve been a great godmother, you know that?”

Margo sniffed, andQuentin realized, vaguely, that she had tears in her eyes.

“I thought—or rather,I remember thinking about that a lot. How much Teddywould have loved you. I told him stories about you.” Eliot’s gaze dropped tothe floor. “God, it really was beautiful.”

It really was—Quentin could almost understand howbeautiful it had been. He knew, on some level.

“Fucking hell,Eliot,” Margo replied.

“Yeah.”

“Wait, but—that was,like, the middle of the fucking key quest, why weren’t you and Q all—” Margogestured vaguely.

Eliot looked up ather, a bare, hopeless smile on his face. “Margo…” he said, softly.

She stared at him. “Whatdid you do?”

Eliot took a breath,exhaling slowly. “Well, you know our Q,” he said steadily. “He wanted to jumpright in. Give us a shot. He said we had proof of concept.”

Margo’s gaze wasback to being that soft-flinty, like she couldn’t decide between anger or sympathy.“What did you do?” she repeated, sounding borderline disappointed.

Quentin watchedEliot’s face, curious—

“I told him—that itwasn’t us. Those memories, it wasn’t me and it wasn’t him. Not if we had achoice.” Eliot pressed his palms against the wall behind him, tapping with hisfingers. “I told him no, you know? I was… Afraid. Afraid of what would happento us. Afraid of—I don’t know. Something real.”

“Oh, Eliot,” Margosaid, her face softening. “You must have broken his heart.”

At that Quentinfelt something—something come back to him, a feeling—

Eliot let out ahuff of laughter. “I know. All because I was afraid. I never got the chance to—Iwas going to tell him, Bambi. I was going to tell him.”

“All of this, itjust—” Margo sighed. “It fucking sucks,Eliot. Jesus.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

Eliot’s lips twitchedup in a smile. “Yeah. Me too.”

The piece, themissing piece—

Quentin had to findit. He felt an urgency in him, like he was out of time, like he needed to beback now, even through the dreamlike haze—

The last piece wason Eliot’s windowsill.

Minor mendings.

Quentin put himselfback together.

It was—a strange experience,to say the least.

Like all of Quentin’shumanity and baggage and emotional weight came crashing down. He crumpled tothe floor, gasping for air. He was back together, back together and—

And he remembered. Allof it.

“What the fuck?” Margo yelped, getting to her feet.

“Quentin?” Eliot said, disbelief and confusion in hisvoice. “How the hell—what are you—Q, Q, are you okay?”

And then Eliot wason the floor next to him, shaking hands touching his shoulders lightly. Like hewas afraid of Quentin shattering again.

“Water—I need water—”Quentin managed to croak out.

“Margo—” Eliotstarted.

“I’m on it,” shesaid, rushing out of the room.

There was a heavymoment of silence. Eliot’s hands grew steadier on Quentin’s shoulders and he wrappedhis arms around his back.

“Q, how are youhere? I don’t—” Eliot breathed out, pulling him close and tucking his headunderneath his chin. “I don’t understand.”

“I—I fixed it,”Quentin said softly, his voice starting to come back. “I put myself backtogether.”

“Well, I still don’tquite understand, but—God, Q, I’m so fucking happy to see you.”

Quentin shivered alittle, leaning closer into Eliot’s chest. He felt overwhelmed with feelings,overwhelmed in a way that had only happened once before.

“Eliot?” he saidquietly.

“Yeah?”

“I heard.”

Eliot stilledaround him, his hand pausing where it had been stroking his arm.

“You heard?” hesaid.

“Every word,” Quentinreplied.

“Oh.” Eliot clearedhis throat. “And, um. What do you think? About what you heard?”

Quentin considered.The feelings were overwhelming, but he knew.

He knew with every ounceof certainty and clarity he’d always had.

“I think—” Quentin started.“I think we have another second chance.”

Eliot laughed, butit sounded like it was to cover a sob.

“We’ll run out ofthose soon.”

Quentin smiledthrough the tears welling in his eyes, burying his face into Eliot’s shoulder.

“But not yet,” hesaid.

“Fifty years.”

“Proof of concept.”Quentin tipped his head back, gazing up at Eliot with all the adoration hefelt. “Let’s have fifty more, yeah?”

Eliot leaned down,kissing him as an answer.

[hilarymp]

PET SEMATARY (2019) REVIEW

SPOILER WARNING! This review contains spoilers for Pet Sematary (2019), Pet Sematary (1989) and the novel.

    I’ll admit straight out of the gate that I went into Pet Sematary (2019) with a negative attitude. For whatever reason (one that I am still struggling to comprehend) the studio decided not only to make a rather large divergence from the source material’s plot, but to also spoil this “twist” in the trailer and promotional material. That alone was enough to convince me that this remake/reboot/reimagining/whatever the fuck you want to call it probably wasn’t going to win me over. So let’s discuss that first and foremost.

    I am not at all opposed to film adaptations making changes. Case in point, 2017’s new IT. IT and it’s miniseries predecessor are among some of my favorite horror films of all time, despite the fact that they were not 100% faithful to the novel, especially the more recent installment. For me changes are totally fine as long as they a.) maintain the spirit, themes, and tone of the original story and b.) make the film more frightening.

    With those rules in mind the change prominently displayed in the trailer for 2019’s Pet Sematary, the fact the Creed’s eldest child Ellie is the one who is killed and brought back from the dead instead of toddler Gage, already failed at rule b. Don’t get me wrong, any reanimated evil corpse is going to be scary, but why on earth would you deny us an evil murderous baby just to give us yet another creepy little girl. The ‘creepy little girl’ trope in horror is so tired and overused it makes my head hurt. The Ring, Orphan, The Exorcist, Silent Hill, The Shining, Alice Sweet Alice, The Bad Seed, Let the Right One In, Hereditary, Sinister, I could go on and on and on. The use of the trope isn’t inherently terrible, but why would you go out of your way to use it when something less used and much scarier (a straight up homicidal TODDLER) is an option? The simplest and most likely reason, in my opinion, was for convenience. Is directing a 2 year old more difficult to direct than an 11 year old? Yes, of course, obviously. But it’s definitely possible, as Mary Lambert proved while directing Miko Hughes as Gage in 1989. (Honestly, to this day I can not believe the performance she got out of that little boy.) So to me the change is not only a disservice to the film, but also an indication that the filmmakers were unabashedly lazy.

    So now that you know why I had set myself up for disappointment to begin with, let’s break down what the film succeeded at and how it failed.

    Whatever problems I have with the film, at least I can say that I loved the cast. John Lithgow was extremely endearing and likable. His performance as Jud was a refreshingly grounded and heartfelt departure from Fred Gwynne’s high camp in ‘89. Jason Clarke was as engrossing as ever. I always enjoy Clarke’s performances, and he often brings extra depth to characters that would have otherwise fallen flat (Dr. Price in ‘Winchester’ being a prime example). And Jete Laurance was nothing short of incredible. You would never expect that this little girl could transform into something to sinister so effortlessly. Her performance in the first half of the film is filled with such sweet sincerity, that her turn into undead Ellie is all the more frightening. Not as frightening as being terrorized by a little ankle biting toddler, mind you, but enjoyable nonetheless. ESPECIALLY compared to Ellie in the 89 film. Do you remember her? My God, she was so annoying. 

    Speaking of annoying, Amy Seimetz as Rachel was the only weak link in the cast. Instead of being deeply troubled and complex as Stephen King wrote her, Seimetz’s Rachel is so one dimensional that by the third or fourth time we see her crying, I wasn’t just unmoved, I was borderline irritated. ‘The weepy mother’ role in horror films are never especially fulfilling, but in this instance Rachel was meant to be much more than that. And the cheapening of the Zelda subplot doesn’t help matters either. 

    To me Zelda, Rachel’s late sister who suffered from spinal meningitis, was hands down the scariest part of the book and original film, so I was extra disappointed here. I’m fully aware that the character of Zelda is extremely problematic and portraying her as a monster is ableist as fuck. (Let’s be real, 99% of all Stephen King’s works are problematic but if we pull on that thread we’ll be here all day.) But the in the new film she is completely under utilized. Her appearances have been shrunk down to generic Conjuring-like jumpscares. Like most horror movies these days, the film relies on quick cuts, loud bangs, and obnoxious music cues to startle us instead of showing us anything particularly alarming. There is one prolonged sequence of incredible suspense, as Louis slowly walks through his basement in search of his daughters reanimated corpse, that filled me with so much dread that I was finally genuinely scared. Alas, *sad trombone*, it was undercut with a cheap jumpscare just like all the rest.

    On top of uninspired jumpscares, the filmmaking as a whole was ‘meh’ at best, especially the production design. The houses nearly hidden among the picturesque dense woods are definitely more visually interesting than the ones presented to us in ‘89. It also makes the danger of the nearby highway much more palpable, with the road being both closer to the house and more believably prone to accidents, with the thick foliage hindering the drivers’ ability to see. And the ‘pet sematary’ itself is serviceable enough, not much different from what we’ve seen before. But once we are taken beyond the dead fall to the cursed burial ground, the scope of the film shrinks drastically, making everything feel cramped and cheap like a paper mache Haunted house, even with cheap smoke machine effects to match.

    There are a lot of loose ends in the film as well, though it’s hard to tell if they were caused by the script or the editing. For instance, when Jud is explaining the burial ground to Louis, he mentions the wendigo that is suspected to be the source of the land’s power. But… that’s all he says about it. He doesn’t explain what a Wendigo is, what it does, or why it does it. If you’ve never read the book, or have never heard of a wendigo before, the word means nothing. Why bring up the Wendigo at all if you’re not even going to tie it into the lore properly. They could just have easily just said ‘cursed Indian burial ground’ (it in and of itself a tired trope, but still) and we would have just went with it. Another example is when undead Ellie is terrorizing Jud, she turns herself into Jud’s dead wife, and mentions that says something along the lines of “Your wife is “n hell for what you did to her before she died”. What? What the hell did he do? Why the fuck would you even put that out there with zero follow up?!

    Oh and let’s talk about Pascow. His role in the film is minimized so much, they might as well have left him out entirely. If I’m remembering correctly, late in the novel Pascow appears to Rachel urging her to come home. In the first film he appears to Rachel instead, who tells Rachel they need to come home. But in this film he appears to Gage. A toddler. Who can barely speak. Now as disturbing of a notion it is to have a very small child being haunted by such a gruesome image (and you all know how much I love disturbing shit), it’s also kind of pointless and dumb. If Pascow wanted to get Rachel to come home, why would he appear to Gage who, again, can’t talk, instead of just appearing to Rachel? One could argue that Gage’s crying and saying the name Pascow freaks Rachel out so much that it makes her want to go back, but you could just as easily say she left to get away from her memories of Zelda in her parents house, or the fact that Louis wouldn’t answer his goddamn phone

    We’re also missing out on some crucial motivations to explain Louis’ terrible decision making. No scene of Louis and the grandfather fighting at the funeral, no Louis being blamed for his child’s death, no knocking over of the casket. I might be biased since, for me, that sequence is one of the most upsetting moments of the 89 film. But on top of a missed opportunity to shock, it also takes away the debilitating guilt that motivates Louis to resurrect his child, despite knowing it won’t go well. The guilt is still vaguely implicit, but sometimes horror films need to explicitly illustrate cause and effect, if for no other reason than to keep the audience from screaming “Why the fuck would you do that!?” at the screen for 2 hours.

    Speaking of motivations, what are Ellie’s? What even is Ellie for that matter? The film can’t seem to make up its mind. Undead Ellie has Ellie’s memories, remembers how she died, and holds grudges against her parents for both her death and her resurrection. So there must be some part of the real Ellie in there, right? But when Rachel says “You’re not my daughter” undead Ellie agrees with her! So if it’s not really Ellie why does she keep trying to guilt and punish her parents? If she’s just an evil demon or spirit possessing Ellie’s corpse, you’d think it’d be glad that Louis was stupid enough to bury her up there. Free meat suit, hurray! The spirit clearly wants more bodies buried up there, seeing as it takes out the entire family just to bring them back like she was. Surely she just wanted to kill them all for funsies, right? Who the fuck knows. The screenwriter sure doesn’t appear to.

    Another super obnoxious thing about this film is it’s cheap fake-outs. It’s one thing to change iconic moments from the first adaptation, but constantly calling attention to it is another. Like the ominous close ups of Jud’s heel and him kicking the bed before Ellie gets him on the stairs. Yeah we get it. ‘The old movie had Gage under the bed, but watch out, we’re mixing stuff up in this one!’ Yup. Got it. Thanks for the reminder. Or the whole ‘Gage almost being hit by the truck’ fake out before Ellie is actually hit. This one is especially stupid since you already fucking showed us in the trailer that Gage isn’t going to die. Why even try to fake us out like that when we already know you’ve changed that too? You have successfully irritated and underwhelmed me, movie, no reason to draw more attention to it.

Here’s a quick list of some other petty little things that bugged me. These aren’t even necessarily the movie’s fault, some just come from the book itself.

If Rachel is so traumatized and adverse to talking about death, why the fuck did she marry an ER doctor?

You expect me to believe that Louis, pragmatic Louis who doesn’t even believe in an afterlife, would just follow Jud over the deadfall, through the woods, across a swamp and up a bunch of mysterious stone stairs, with zero explanation? No questions asked? I’d be asking “What the fuck are we doing?” about every couple of yards.

Why in god’s name would Rachel’s parents not only still live in the house where their daughter suffered and died, but also KEEP THE DUMB WAITER SHE DIED IN?

Why don’t movies ever address the fact that when you’re buried your eyes and lips are sewn or glued shut beforehand? And the scene where Louis is bathing Ellie and he sees the staples in her head and is all freaked out - wouldn’t she have huge fucking staples all across her chest and down her abdomen from the funeral home too??

    Despite my complaints, Pet Sematary isn’t completely devoid of entertainment value, not by a long shot. It’s not bad, it just could have been so so much better. Pet Sematary is riddled with missed opportunities,  and if you‘re an overly analytical jaded horror fan with a devotion to Stephen King like I am, they are much more obvious. I’m not mad, Pet Sematary, I’m just disappointed. To quote Tyra Banks, we were rooting for you, we were all rooting for you! You had so much potential, you just dropped the ball. Just like losing a loved one, there’s a mourning period that must be observed. Time to cope with the loss of what could have been. But rest assured, by the time you come out on blu-ray, I’ll be ready to try again.

[vomiting-out-words]

Boyfriend’s Background Commentary - The Twilight Saga Part Uno

Movie: Twilight

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Cinematography: Elliot Davis

Budget: 37 million USD

Release Date: November 21, 2008 (Canada)

Watched: August 21st, 2018

Boyfriend: @shiftaria

Part Uno - Part Dos - Part Tres - Part Cuatro - Part Cinco

With very little convincing, I managed to get my boyfriend to watch Twilight, about 10 years later. After all, he’s never read the books or really seen the movies, so, I thought it was about time. Having read and watched the sage myself over the years, I have this entire series implanted in my head, since I am that lame, so, to watch this with someone with fresh eyes is about to be very interesting.

Now this is the first movie, and like these movies, they try to start off like the book, and it’s pretty cool like the visual was welcoming, yet, the lighting was rather bright. With the brightness being as such, it makes this seem like such a fantasy world when it’s really just a teen romance.

Just a heads up, we’ve attempted watching this a while back and never finished. This is attempt number two.

Anyways, we get introduced to Bella Swan, who is off to live with her father that is pretty on the other side of the country, because she doesn’t want to travel around with her mother and Phil; Bella’s mother’s new husband. So, off to one of the rainiest places in the world. Which can totally be relatable, because so do Shifter and myself live literally in one of the rainiest parts of the world, literally twelve hours away from Forks. 

We know a total of four characters, two of which don’t even make any kind of impact to the plot. Now, we are introduced to two more; Jacob Black; who made mud pies with Bella when they were little, and Jacob’s father; Billy Black, Charlie Swan’s best friend. We are then introduced to Bella’s lovely truck that can take a beating, which was rebuilt by Jacob. Bella does the lovely thing by hitting Jacob with the door as thank you.

First day at a new school, where all the guys just want to fuck her. Making friends with Mike, Jessica, Eric, and Angela, though Angela would be the only one that could even be called a friend, then besides Jacob (at least at the moment).

PA Announcement from Shifter: lots of three point mid-length shots, ei: a longer shot that has three different framings with two cameras moved that are transitioned between on an action beat.

This moment now is to lunch, where the Cullen’s are introduced. All of which come walking in white, then he comes Edward; dressed in black. I agree with Shifter that this was very in your face visual metaphor about Edward being the black sheep of the Cullen family. Also, another point that Shifter had pointed out, they don’t focus on it either. Like movies are either blunt about the metaphor or more in the person’s face, this movie is kind of pulling a middle ground, which is apparently throwing Shifter kind of off. Now for me, Edward just makes the scene awkward with staring, borderline glaring.

Back to class, which I now think is Biology. And shoot to Edward with wings behind his head, that once again is a shot at a metaphor. Back to Bella, who is standing in front of a fan, blowing her wonderful scent towards Edward. Jump to Edward very much overreacting. Now, this is where my wonderful boyfriend comments on their acting. This short story of it all is high school students putting on a play with a poorly written script, so their acting is either stiff or overacting.

We now get Buttcrack Santa and Bella getting really awkward with people because she hasn’t really been to Forks in a really long time. Now, I mentioned really shitty lighting with this movie. Thanks to Shifter he made a really good point. The scenes are really graded blue to give the feeling that it was at the risk of raining at any point. Like it’s fitting for the movie but the only issue was, it made the movie too fantasy-like.

Nice Edward, he apologizes for not talking to her when she sat next to him when she first arrived. It’s all way too strange, to begin with. He tries to be nice, only, Bella almost gets killed later that day, risking Edward and his family to be found out just because he went to save her. Back to being old and mean Edward. At least Alice tried to be nice to her. These scenes are just Edward mood whiplash. And she tries to invite him down to La Push as well, to be nice. Bella gets teased, and finds about the ‘Cold Ones’. Now we’re watching a Canadian History documentary, not that it wasn’t appreciated.

If Dr.Cullen might be a matchmaker, but Bella is a good friend and matchmaker herself for her friends. And she goes out of her way to do some serious research on something that shouldn’t be real, yet it’s very much is. Which leads to a very interesting way that might as well equal to coming out. But it was a rather good exchange.

Shifter finds that entire scene good, mainly because of the information dump that was given to him. Like the vampire camouflage, and the white, diamond skin. He was watching the movie with interest. Bella was asking questions, which was really good. The only line that made us cringe, was about Bella being Edward’s own brand of heroin.

Now with the movie slowing down a bit, Bella actually went out of her way for the Cullen’s to not worry about her. She gets a look into Edward’s life, through a music video with a beautiful piano, which goes to Charlie meeting Edward.

Que Charlie’s badass acting skills, especially with a shotgun. Very threatening, and very clever. Edward being very polite and say your daughter is going off the play baseball. Now, if Edward only had told us what Charlie was thinking at that moment.

Baseball! In a thunderstorm! For what reason!? To hide them making a loud boom when the ball hits the bat. Kind of surprised that nothing broke while they were playing since super strength is a thing. Like this scene was another music video, just a bit more fun than it was previously with the piano music. Really shows the family, but it’s a subplot that comes out of nowhere, yet this was pulled from the book since it’s the way to introduce our first three baddies of the series.

Thank god for Alice’s vision because they could have gotten Bella killed. Now, this is where I kind of get salty. They totally had time to get Bella out of there, just put her in the jeep and go, it would have saved like the last 30 minutes of the movie from being a fucking mess of unnecessary drama and Bella wouldn’t have to be mean to Charlie just to keep him safe.

Off to Arizona, Bella goes with Jasper and Alice, kind of putting Bella’s mom at risk. Why are they coming into a hotel during the day in Arizona? No clue, but let’s hope they don’t get found out. Just chill in a room with two vampires until your vampire boyfriend calls to let you know that you both need to disappear for a while. Now, to maybe an hour later, another phone call, but not any phone call, mom is worried about you, only to be a trap. Also, I’m honestly not surprised that Victoria got Bella’s information for James. They’re vampires, pretty easy to figure out a way to hack into a computer or something.

We all know that Bella is a complete idiot, so, she just goes alone, leaving no note or anything for the Cullen’s. Back to her old ballet studio, with glass everywhere, doesn’t that scream very bad things are about to happen. Oh, and smart on James for using a recording to bring Bella to him. Yet, dumb on Bella to use pepper spray, like what is that to do on a vampire?

Bella gets thrown across the floor, head bashing into a corner, and yes, she starts bleeding. Bring in sadistic James, who has a video camera, filming all of this, along with whatever thought told him to break Bella’s leg at that moment. Oh where, oh where is Edward? Oh, he finally arrived, but alone, and Bella is very much hurt. How hasn’t she passed out from her leg being broken is beyond me. Edward tried to get them away, but James has Edward back into a fight. James has the upper hand, Edward is too frantic with concern over Bella and the fact that her scent is filling the air due to the blood, giving James the chance to bite her.

Back to music video mode with inner monologue, and probably a seizure warning. Like I mentioned before, this entire part could have not happened if Edward and Bella just left the field, but whatever. Finally, after all of that, we get Bella frantic in a hospital room due to Edward saying that they shouldn’t be together. Kind of disappointed that we didn’t get to see Bella apologize to Charlie about all of this, it would have been nice to see since Charlie is kind of a huge part of the series, more so than Bella’s mom (I honestly can’t remember her name and way too lazy to even google it).

Father judging Edward scene, it’s very obvious that Charlie doesn’t trust Edward that much anymore for getting his daughter hurt and “hurting” her. But Bella is in a very beautiful dress, even if she’s in a cast. With words from Shifter, I would have to agree they dragged out the ending here a little much, but my main issue was why didn’t they have this nice lighting for the entire movie? It was soft and much more realistic in my opinion.

All in all, it was a good start to this review. Hopefully, I can get the next one out as soon as possible, because I can see this taking off somewhere.

[infinitebrownianmotion]

My Year in Books

Dear Nobody

When asked if I’ve read a particular book, often all I would have to offer on the subject is a simple yes or no and perhaps whether I liked it or not. The interrogator might proceed to throw questions at me or share details about the book, which are usually met with a blank expression and/or a shrug. And as is usually the case, I will then be asked why I read so much if I can’t remember a thing about the book afterwards. I suppose I read purely for pleasure. I read so that I can lead many lives, look through new eyes, walk in someone else’s shoes, experience a range of emotions that I normally wouldn’t in my day-to-day life. I read so that I can learn new things. I read so that I can transcend myself. I internalize elements that I like in the books I read and then let them go. I don’t read to remember, although if something does stick in my memory, that’s great too.

Since 2014, I’ve set myself a Reading Challenge on GoodReads at the start of every year. It was this blog post by scientist and role model, TR Shankar Raman, that inspired me and continues to do so. Some years I complete the challenge, some years I don’t, depending on where I happen to be in my life at that point, both physically and metaphorically. It turns out that extended breaks in between jobs are great for reading, especially because one finds oneself broke and at home a lot.

Most of 2017 was spent at my field site in a remote corner of Arunachal Pradesh with atrocious cellphone connectivity. I had to come up with a way to keep track of my reading challenge without GoodReads.

This year’s challenge was a modest 42 books, which I’m happy to report I completed earlier this month! Overall, it was a fun year for reading. I surprised myself by reading far less Fantasy & Sci-Fi than I usually do. Not at all by design, I ended up reading quite a few works of fiction and one memoir written by people from non-Western regions of the world – India, Nigeria, South Africa, Palestine, South Korea, Japan – and I’m glad for it because I feel like I have delved a little into the history and culture of these places, carrying them around like a collection of mental postcards wherever I go.

I first discovered Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie when I watched her TED talk ‘The Danger of a Single Story’ back in 2009, making a mental note to read her first novel Purple Hibiscus. I finally got around to it this year (Procrastination 101) and boy, I fell in love with the narrative, the characters, the way Adichie doesn’t tell you what to think but describes everything in beautiful detail (never failing to activate all the senses) and allows you to arrive at your own conclusions. I then went on to read her other books – Half of a Yellow Sun, Americanah, The Thing Around Your Neck, Dear Ijeawele Or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions – in quick succession. Through her writing, I learnt about the Biafran War (which I’d never heard of until that point), Nigerian cuisine (ah, I could almost taste some of it!), attire, what life is like growing up in a university campus in Nsukka or as a ‘Big Man’ in Lagos. I got a glimpse of sexism, religion, and the political history of the country that was forced into being by the British Empire. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is one of the three people I would love to write like, the other two being Vladimir Nabokov and William Dalrymple.

My book of the year was Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes, one that I would wholeheartedly recommend to just about anyone. Because it doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from or what genre you stubbornly adhere to, this book will pluck at your heartstrings. A warning at the outset – it will not be easy, you will explore the dark side of human nature, the book will become a mirror that shows you parts of yourself that you would rather not acknowledge. You will never truly recover from the reading experience. But I can assure you that you won’t regret it. The book is in the form of progress reports written by Charlie Gordon, a borderline mentally disabled person with an IQ of 68 who works in a bakery. He has signed up for an experiment which, having been successfully carried out on a mouse named Algernon, is to be tested on humans for the first time. If successful, this scientific breakthrough will increase his intelligence by manifold. Charlie is excited about the prospect of becoming smart like his friends at the bakery. Reading through his progress reports, you are part of the process as Charlie begins to change, slowly at first and then in leaps and bounds. You watch as his relationships with the people around him change, as they start to treat him differently and he starts to realize the cruelty he was subject to. We also get glimpses of his painful past as his childhood memories resurface. In the meanwhile, at the peak of Charlie’s intelligence, Algernon has begun a sudden and unexpected deterioration, and eventually dies. What does this mean for Charlie? Ah, how can I possibly explain the range of emotions that this book evokes! It’s a journey of the soul.

Alice by Christina Henry was another great find this year. It’s a dark retelling of Alice in Wonderland, all the more delightful for being gory and macabre. Alice finds herself locked away in an asylum, but she can’t remember what happened to her or how she landed up there. She only remembers a man with rabbit ears. I won’t say any more about it – you’ll just have to see for yourself! After the spectacular first book, I was quite disappointed to read Red Queen, which I thought failed on many fronts but mainly in terms of plot. But if you like Henry’s style as much as I do, you could skip the second book and move on to the morbid world of Peter Pan in Lost Boy instead.

Other books I would recommend are Born a Crime by Trevor Noah (hilarious, charming and eye-opening account of his childhood in South Africa in the post-apartheid era), Diana: Her True Story in Her Own Words by Andrew Morton (biography of Princess Diana, which I read only because I knew nothing about the Royal Family, it was an interesting read), Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones (so much fun!), Women by Charles Bukowski (for his style), and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (better than the movie).

I have this strange compulsion to finish any book I start, no matter how awful. If you suffer from the same disorder, then I would advise against picking up the following books: The Magicians by Lev Grossman (the characters suck, the plot sucks, the writing sucks – apparently it’s a trilogy, I steered clear of the second book), Half a King by Joe Abercrombie (didn’t find much to like, but started the second book to see if it could get any worse, then finished it before I realized I’d been reading the third book, so I accidentally read the trilogy – sort of), Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (mmm, I didn’t enjoy it one bit, I think I only like his writing when he’s on mescaline).

2017 was also a year for audiobooks. Up until now, I was on the fence about them. Would my mind drift while listening to a recording of someone reading a story? What if I didn't like the narrator? And since I like reading, re-reading, and mulling over particularly well-written lines, I dreaded the thought of having to navigate my way through the forward-back controls and the minutes and seconds of the aural world. Despite these concerns, I downloaded Philip Pullman’s triology, His Dark Materials. All three audiobooks were fantastic and I had a great time listening to them. I also found that audiobooks are a great companion to have when you can't read (easily) - in the shower, while exercising or doing the laundry, while commuting, you name it. And of course, there's nothing like snuggling up under the blankets and falling asleep to a bedtime story.

I’m currently reading The God of Small Things by Arundathi Roy and wondering about what my target should be for next year’s Reading Challenge. In the meanwhile, do you have any recommendations for me to add to my 2018 shelf?

Love, D